I don’t know what I am doing. I feel I am failing everyday. My heart aches inside of me. How to be a mother? It is so much more than I comprhend. I think if I had a clear head I could grasp. No sleep, no sleep. How it is not to sleep. I could never imagine….. How total deprivation and joy can coincide. I am so tired. Sometimes I long for death to come and take me to sleep. I don’t know what I am doing.